I'm in a better mood today.. even though I woke up early and have done buggar all since...

I'm getting my hair cut at 4pm =D
And because I remembered how much I actually fancy Hayley from Paramore.. I want my hair styled like hers from this picture:

She has such yummy hair! xD
I'm contemplating on whether I should dye my hair too. I REALLY want to go red again, but it fades out so quickly. Plus I think I look so much better with dark hair. I dunno, I'm so bored indoors that I might leave for town a little earlier and have a look at the dye.

I want to go clothes shopping too. I love spending all my wages when I'm in a crappy mood. Money DOES buy happiness =p fuck the saying!
I'm inspired to change myself. Since my best friends are moving away, I want to make an effort with every single person I speak to. I want to be friendly and make others happy. I remember when I was ill last year, and decided to try talking to new people. People I never dreamed of being my friends were suddenly talking to me and responded so well to my positive attitude. It gave me such a boost of confidence.. I miss having that.

And the latest dramas at work has inspired me to grow up a bit. I always get so caught up in the bitchy environment.. You really have to be careful who you talk to in that place. CA was someone from my year at school so I thought I could trust her.. but she takes the job WAY too seriously and went bitching to the assistant manager about me slacking off on a sunday. Which I had a feeling she'd do that. Honestly, I thought young people at a job should stick together? And make the most of it and have a laugh.. not all serious serious serious.. I think I am a good worker, I do what I'm told and I use my initive. I do actually enjoy talking to customers but I do occasionally like to piss about with my collegues. But because of what CA said, my assistant manager kept picking on me on saturday about everything.. like that I messed up the lottery the week before, me wearing converse shoes to work, and that I pick up bad habits from the sunday staff. It really annoyed me.. so I ended up mentioning this on the sunday.. and realised that the sunday supervisor ALSO has a big gob and will probably have a go at the assistant manager aswell as CA for annoying me. Blahh. The only person I'm beginning to trust there is CH. And of course, my mother. =p
So yes.. I think.. if I need to say anything at all.. really really need to keep it to myself or CH. I'm fed up of feeling like I'm involved with everysingle bitchfight that happens at work!

I want to change my appearance too. Not just my hair cut, I am so desparate to lose weight! When I look at myself in the mirror, my stomach, arms & legs depresses me so much. I actually really love my curves though. I would be happy with the way I look if I hadn't got such a fat tummy. NEW PROJECT YAY! I need to stop munching on the haribo eggs that K bought me...
I want new clothes & accessories.. I need new jeans.. and I want more checkered shirts. I need a new studded belt because my favourite white belt decided to rip =(

Actually I think I might leave for town in a bit.. I'm all inspired to shop =p

Been looking on eBay for Sailor Moon DVDs.. I'm fussy and want subbed episodes.. I can't stand the dubbed ones! I found the first and second series for £30 :] I might ask mother if I can borrow her card to buy me that teeheehee :]

What a rambly entry!

I've been home for about 40 minutes and all I've done is just cry.
Oh god I really am dreading September. It's all I can think about but I can't talk about it to anyone.

I really don't want to start a new course at college. So much I'm considering just getting a job at a daycare setting. I have the experience and the diploma so it'd be easy to get a job. But I don't want to become like every person working in this town.. absolutely no ambition. The thing is I just don't have the confidence to be able to do what I want. If I'm dreading doing a two year course at a college I've already studied at.. how the hell am I going to deal with moving to Derby to do a uni course there??
I don't know if this is just initial nerves.. but whatever.. I don't even remember feeling like this about the childcare course.. And I was younger and a hell of a lot more unconfident.

I just don't think it helps that my best friends are going to uni. To me it feels like I'll never see them again even though I know I will. =(
I keep forgetting about my friends like Michelle, Megan, Emily & Emma. I hung out with these girls way more than my best friends until we all left college. I had a feeling I'd drift away from Emily&Emma. But not so much with Megan.. Michelle is the one I've kept the most contact with.. but I have been friends with her since I was 9 years old..

This makes me inspired to make a hell of a lot of effort with the people I'll meet on my new course but from my induction day I'm a little worried. Yeah I know, you shouldn't judge people. But MOST of the girls looked stuck up their own arses.. But whatever, I'll see what it's like when I'm there.

God I just feel so low about myself too. It's times like this where I just wish I had that someone I know will be there for me and isn't going to leave me. I really need the comfort right now.
As much as I love my best friends, I really find it hard to open up to them. Sometimes I feel that people don't take your feelings very seriously.. like, they'll just tell you that you're worrying over nothing. Thats not what I want to hear.. I always feel 10 times better knowing that person UNDERSTANDS what you are feeling and can relate to it. Or atleast tries to. I don't even mind if they don't know what to say, aslong as they listen. I just hate it when people tell you that you're overreacting.. or change it to theirselves.

I also think I'm going to just get over BOY (Thats my subtle nickname ha). It just feels like everyone got my hopes up by saying how convinced they were that he likes me too. I haven't fallen for someone in so long but he just shows no signs of interest whatsoever. I texted him today saying that his clothes were washed&ironed (from where I had borrowed them) and he said ":-) Thank you. Call me when you guys are next out". If he liked me, surely he'd make the effort to just see me? Blahh. I told him I'll text him tomorrow saying what we're doing. But no one wants to hang out tomorrow.. And I'm irritated that I'm going to be stuck indoors allday again.
But yes back to my original subject.. I honestly think this guy is such a geniune person. I find him so amazing that it really intimidates me and I don't think someone that intelligent would want anything to do with someone so "average" like me. I think I need to get over him now before it hurts me more. He's another one going away in September. And I end up missing him a day after seeing him.
I just find it so hard because I don't think K realises how much I like him and how much it's bothering me. I always want to talk about it to her but she kind of shrugs off the conversation.
I've never had any luck with relationships ¬__¬

Right I'm going to stop typing before I end up depressing myself EVEN MORE.. or infact anyone who happens to read this.. which I doubt is anyone ha.

Man I hate days like this.. where nothing I do seems to keep me entertained. YESTERDAY I wanted to do so much that I didn't know what to start with.
Today I can't be arsed with watching a movie. I can't be arsed with Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Nintendo DS. I can't be arsed with Super Smash Brawl on Nintendo Wii. I can't be arsed with reading manga. I can't be arsed with watching anime. And I can't be arsed to be online.. but here I am.. moaning.
I even attempted with my summer project, cut like two things out of an olympics magazine and gave up.
I HOPE I see my friends tonight.. because I am actually going to go insane.

I want more plans this week.. god damnit I wish I had friends =p
I'm just chatting to guys on Myspace who are equally as bored as I am lol. One of them remembers me from the Good To Go Tour and was apparently standing next to me on the front row =p Weird.

I've been looking at gigs in Norwich.. Goldfinger are playing at the Waterfront at the end of this month! god DAMN I want to go! I don't know if any of my friends are able to afford it though.. or know who Goldfinger are =p
Less Than Jake are playing at the UEA in November and again I really want to go.

I've been eating a lot of chocolate shortcake out of boredom and now I regret it =(
This is such a pointless entry lol. I'll shut up now. :]

Gah gah gah. I'm in such a sad mood. =(
I just spent a couple of hours with my best friends. Surely I should be in a good mood but I ended up coming home sad. I was last to be picked up so I felt as if they didn't really want me there?
But thats my paranoia looking for an excuse to get upset over something. And as they were dropping someone off they'd be like "give me a call about tomorrow" and for me they're like "see you soon yeah?" *shrugs*.

I've been in such a good mood since I came home from camping but now I don't really have anything to look for. I am absolutely SHITTING myself about my enrolment/induction days at my new course at college. I've been there for the past two years, I know my way around, so why am I so fucking scared?
It sucks that I won't know anyone. All my childcare buddies have moved on, got jobs in daycare and I'm continuing my studies. I don't even care that I'll be older than some of the other students.. I'm scared that no one will want to know me. I'm scared that my artistic ability isn't as good as everyone elses. I'm scared of this fucking summer project they gave us. About the Beijing Olympics. Because THATS something I'm interested in *rolls eyes*. It's such a shit project that I can't be arsed with it. I was kind of enthusiastic when I first found out that we had a summer project. I really wanted to work hard at it to show that I'm dedicated to the course but the olympics.. blah! I don't know how I can respond to it visually either. I might spend tomorrow having another attempt at it while my friends are out..

The worst thing about starting college. My best friends. All four of them are going away to uni. One of them has gone to quite a local uni.. the other three have gone to the other side of the country. These are the people I hang out with every single day. I don't know how the HELL I'm going to cope without them. It's not like I don't want them to not go to uni, if that makes any sense, I just feel so abandoned. I'm going to feel lonely at college until I make some friends and it's not like I really have anyone to go back to after college to make me happy.

God I'm such a whiney twat.. It's times like this where I wish I just had that SOMEONE I can talk to. It's kind of intimidating talking to my best friends about things like this, because they're all older than me. I feel like they might look down on me and think I'm just being stupid?

Poo. I don't know. Maybe I'll go sleep now.