Gah gah gah. I'm in such a sad mood. =(
I just spent a couple of hours with my best friends. Surely I should be in a good mood but I ended up coming home sad. I was last to be picked up so I felt as if they didn't really want me there?
But thats my paranoia looking for an excuse to get upset over something. And as they were dropping someone off they'd be like "give me a call about tomorrow" and for me they're like "see you soon yeah?" *shrugs*.
I've been in such a good mood since I came home from camping but now I don't really have anything to look for. I am absolutely SHITTING myself about my enrolment/induction days at my new course at college. I've been there for the past two years, I know my way around, so why am I so fucking scared?
It sucks that I won't know anyone. All my childcare buddies have moved on, got jobs in daycare and I'm continuing my studies. I don't even care that I'll be older than some of the other students.. I'm scared that no one will want to know me. I'm scared that my artistic ability isn't as good as everyone elses. I'm scared of this fucking summer project they gave us. About the Beijing Olympics. Because THATS something I'm interested in *rolls eyes*. It's such a shit project that I can't be arsed with it. I was kind of enthusiastic when I first found out that we had a summer project. I really wanted to work hard at it to show that I'm dedicated to the course but the olympics.. blah! I don't know how I can respond to it visually either. I might spend tomorrow having another attempt at it while my friends are out..
The worst thing about starting college. My best friends. All four of them are going away to uni. One of them has gone to quite a local uni.. the other three have gone to the other side of the country. These are the people I hang out with every single day. I don't know how the HELL I'm going to cope without them. It's not like I don't want them to not go to uni, if that makes any sense, I just feel so abandoned. I'm going to feel lonely at college until I make some friends and it's not like I really have anyone to go back to after college to make me happy.
God I'm such a whiney twat.. It's times like this where I wish I just had that SOMEONE I can talk to. It's kind of intimidating talking to my best friends about things like this, because they're all older than me. I feel like they might look down on me and think I'm just being stupid?
Poo. I don't know. Maybe I'll go sleep now.